Australia’s Parliament: UN in Miniature

Throsby, you won’t be surprised to learn, is captivated by the mediocrity of antipodean politics.

Such ordinariness, born of a national trait, honed to patriotic specialty, assumes to punch above its international weight, making merriment among our Asian neighbours – that abiding yellow peril to our foreboding north, the mere thought of which elicits frenzied camaraderie towards that democracy-exporting and most Exceptional Rottweiler, the one that almost pivoted to Asia recently.

The electorate, somewhat smarter and considerably more sophisticated than its politicians, managed for a century to elect candidates too dumb to do much damage, and too thick to steal more than they could if they had a mind to put to it. The commoners’ other victory, by the way, was fooling those arrogant snuff-sniffing stuffed shirts to establish Australia’s capital in the midst of a sheep infested wilderness named Canberra, thus placing them at an acceptably inconvenient distance from the real deal-makers in Sydney and Melbourne.

But Throsby detects a change in the air – additional to the redolence of coal particulates, industrial plastics’ permeating $2 dollar shops, or the matronly bouquet of St Vinnies’ ladies’ clothing racks.

Our Tory party – ironically named and anything but “Liberal” – has changed character in the past decade or so, but the electorate hasn’t quite noticed or they would have thought twice (once would have sufficed) about being so rusted on to repeatedly vote against their best interests.

These colonial Tories, comprising a “Liberal/National” parties coalition, have replaced themselves with aliens. As in, people with dual citizenship. An elected politician with dual citizenship is a breach of Australia’s constitution, not to mention a crime of false declaration under the electoral act – so I will mention it. As superior beings, they thought it beneath dignity to consider minutiae of Commonwealth Law. The only details of relevance for them were power and its abuse in the healthy pursuit of ideology and self-gain – a symbiosis without conflict in their close-set eyes.

Not to also mention and so I also will, the astounding irony of how many of these ignorant-of-the-law miscreants were lawyers in another life.

What of, ye vaguely curious international observer might wonder, the unambiguously-named opposition “Labor” party? Well, its candidate vetting procedure scrutinises statehood of candidates before nomination, while the ruling “LNP” instead does what all good laissez-faire exponents must: it “trusts them to do the right thing.”

Yeah. Roight. Mate.

I have watched with unalloyed glee as foreigner after outlander has their lard-arse tossed from its highly-polished seat by the nation’s high court. Particularly eminently-dislikeable government ministers.

Australia’s lower and upper houses of government were always echo chambers, but of late the absence of so many sponge-like bodies littering the benches has enhanced the actual echoes resonating from that securely-fenced hill in Canberra.

The list of lead-swingers collared by the Usher of the Black Rod and hurled unceremoniously through the revolving doors of our citadel of lawmakers grows daily, literally daily. The government, as I write, might shortly lose its majority in the lower house. Throsby almost weeps at the tradgedy.

The general mood in the electorate, despite having lost a decades-long arm wrestle of wits with its nefarious leaders, is… how shall I put it?

More Popcorn!