White House Sold! 

Sensational claims today by blacklisted reporter that the White House was sold to TV networks over 30 years ago

Special report by SheepOverboard Washington roundsman Jake Mossback

"The place is crawling with hidden cameras, microphones and wireless intercoms. The studio control room is a bunker 2 miles away - paid for by tax payers, of course."

Insiders derisively refer t'th' incumbent as "President Truman Burbank"

In mahsterious dealin's on over Watergate, a secret deal between Nixon an' a cornso'tium of Netwawk TV executives sar corntrol of this hyar icon of Western Democratic Power slip silently fum corntrol of th' American people.

"The top guys don't even know, at least party men close to the President. Many key WH staffers are either actors, DAs or simply playing along and - under threat of 'severe penalty' - sworn to secrecy and strongly encouraged by a 'retirement bonus'. "

An' who is th' 'audience' eff'n th' White House is a tellyvised reality show?

Corporate America.

"When word gets out about your story I expect a lot of CEOs (who aren't privvy to broadcasts) to be asking around. They won't know if the other guy is lying or truthful when he says he doesn't know, either! "

Fo'd, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush all carried on their administrashuns unner scrutiny by th' rich an' pow'ful who larned ev'ry decishun in advance.

"At first everyone (in the TV industry who knew, that is) thought this would be a groundbreaking television event, delivering a knockout blow to radio and print (that was still a big deal in the sixties). Then they realised their news rooms couldn't be trusted.

"Reporters are genetically predisposed to turning secrets into headlines - at least they were in the sixties. Things are different today - why do ya think I'm WH blacklisted? So the footage that would have been for air time was instead piped into corporate board rooms and anyone rich enough to take a feed."

Oval Office an' Wess Win' feeds is said t'ax $100,000 a minute durin' policy meetin's wif th' President in attendance. These is mighty exclusive 'tellycasts'.

"Originally we were gonna just use the place as a TV set - you know, make the occasional series starring Martin Sheen or somebody - call it the 'Oval Office' or something 'Wing'. But, by agreement with Nixon, later Presidents COULD NOT to be told.

"As it turned out, not telling later Presidents made no difference to our plans whatsoever!"  

... The Scenario

... White House Reaction