U.S. Foreign Policy serve from Z-lister

SheepOverboard Publisher Woos US Press

SYDNEY - Transcript of www.sheepoverboard.com publisher's speech at Press dinner celebrating inaugural launch of SheepOverboard's Webzine.
[ International media in attendence. ]

"Good Evening, Ladies and Gentlemen.

Like your President, U.S. foreign policy is a powerful tool.

Despite your groans of disapproval I intend to get stuck into the White House and indeed, perhaps, savage you for 150 years of foreign policy blunders.

Why so little respect for the White House?

Like kings of old your administrations lives in a vortex without perspective, forever denied a truly sophisticated or coherent view of the world. Clever, powerful (and far too well paid) its members might be, yet every U.S. administration since the Civil War seems to totally miss the point.

In the Japanese harbour of Uraga, 1852, (and the Matthew Perry involved was definitely not a 'Friend') began a pattern of international behaviour the very antithesis of your nation's inspiring domestic charter - and has continued unabated, unabashed.

The rest of the world is extremely grateful to U.S. foreign policy whose endless fiascos have saved the necks of numerous world governments by the fumbling, stumbling eagle drawing fire, and the hilarity of world opinion at the once-formidable emblem stumbling amid scorched feathers like Big Bird on Coke.

Of course, just as many suffered from your ineptitude and meddling, and your foreign policy efforts are, in tandem, best represented by the mobile crane scene from the Terminator 3 movie.

I can't recall a single country you interfered with in the last fifty years - like a great politico-military pedophile - that hasn't turned around and kicked you. And unlike a pedophile you've never pulled it off!

A senior colleague of mine - in the business since the Korean War - overheard a Pommy Prime Minister talking to our Aussie Defence Minister some years ago. They were talking about Errol - Errol this, Errol that. My friend realised for the first time in his career that this mysterious "Errol" he so often saw in government communiqués was a nickname for YANKS - in particular Foreign Affairs Yanks.

Well, the penny dropped! Of course! The United States through it's abysmal success rate fiddling with other countries politics had earned the nickname "Errol" as in Errol Flynn the amorous (Australian) Hollywood actor.

You're journos, look it up!

[At this point my esteemed SO Publisher turned even nastier]

Most of you lapdogs here tonight are from American networks - and we know who butters your bread, yes? And, may I add, one couldn't find a more embedded lot.

Moving completely away from politics, let me say a few words about your incisive coverage of vital political stories in recent decades, and especially since Dubya came to power. Like I said, moving away from politics.

Where the hell are you lot!

Is that all? Here's Watergate, we've done our investigative for this century, got it out of the way. Now on to Hollywood and gays for the next 40 bloody years?? Good Evening, here is the six o'clock newstainment courtesy of the White House white-listed.

Did you believe ridiculing Clinton for an indiscretion - endlessly, nauseatingly, internationally - would get you a Pulitzer? Clinton and YOUR nation became the laughing stock of the world and YOU were the clowns of the media circus that IS American News (I use the term 'news' loosely and 'circus' tightly).

Well, I hope I've brought our two nations closer tonight, highlighted our good points, shared a few jokes, pointed out who's who and who's up ...

I'm sure you'll feel generously disposed toward my new webzine and give it the space it so richly deserves.

Thank you for attending, I know your schedule is a busy one but you're both welcome to join me at the bar for after dinner. "

Presented without alteration, commentary or denigration by this SO reporter (denigration superfluous).