Family Research Council 'Eye to Eye' with Al Qaeda: "Americans Infidel"

A hitherto unknown pioneering dotcom is at the centre of a religious and political storm

Groundbreaking software, designed to extract news from '"background noise on the Web", created more publicity than intended at a press conference launch.

Naive techie CEO of www.noise2news.com, Serch ("they stole it from me") Googl, initiated mass journalistic cell-fumbling with the first "public story" from his beta-but-au courant coding miracle.

Legendary lack of prescience foremost, Googl proudly displayed the first Noise2News™ header to stunned reporters: "Family Research Council Supports Al Qaeda. Americans are Infidel"

"Err, it still needs some fine-tuning but the basic facts of the story are correct. N2N has extracted the core truth of the matter from billions of cached web pages. Infidel, infidelity ... semantics. What the heck. Ask any dork on the street the difference!"

FRC President Tiny Pecans ( FRC website link) was first to comment, bemused - yet deeply encouraged - by the arrival of carloads of clamouring cubs, contributors, communicators, columnists and correspondents.

"I haven't seen the report to which you are referring, but I can confidently say that I would warmly support anyone - even this foreign chap, Allan Kida, did you say? - who is prepared to stand up for their beliefs and tell Americans that infidelity is wrong. I feel strong affinity with anyone having the moral strength to tell our nation's people to uphold the institutions of marriage and the family"

Only mildly disconcerted by the silent sea of open mouths - he had rarely seen so many journalists, certainly not this many so quiet, motionless and attentive and (definitely never!) hanging off every word .. like ... this ... Dismissing doubts, Pecans savoured the moment.

At this point, your reporter sneezed. Emerging from my handful of tissues (due to having no tissue) I registered Mr. Pekans statue-like, finger raised, jaw suspended open, word half-formed, glancing sideways at this SheepOverboard reporter through the dust - the only remaining journalist in sight (the media circus having stampeded to the White House).

Caught off guard at a Press Briefing on "Iraqi Progress" (during a stand-up with a journo: "oxymoron, where?"), Donny Rumsfella grasped the nettle with an ideologues élan: "Technology is a good thing. Good things come from good technology. The little nerd Googl is American, the technology is American. Noise is an unknown. This is pushing back unknowns, both known unknowns .." He broke off, unable to make eye contact with anyone in the room.

President Bush, also a little distracted nursing bleeding fingernails from "a misunderstanding leaving the Presidential Chopper" (as spun by White House press; read full story), offered the Press Scavenger Corps stationed at the White House his thoughts - the not inconsiderable effort diverting focus from his aching fingers: "I know I've said some bad things about Arabs lately. They might be heathen rag heads but if they support the family values of our crusading nation then I surely welcome their pronoun cements."

That night Al Qaeda claimed responsibility for whatever stupid journalist on about, Tiny Pecans spent a sleepless night pleased about the attention - but uneasy about what he wasn't sure, www.noise2news.com got 50 million hits - and a record number of Americans cheated on their partners.